The Return to a Place Called Home
by wooooooooooxj
Summary: 'It happened so quickly, but … couldn't it be said that it has always been that way'  Intraspective Yullen with a hint of AlmaxKanda with slight self-violence. Please enjoy ! xP


'_It happened so quickly, but … couldn't it be said that it has always been that way?_'

Kanda was staring into the shattered shards of glass that made up his window of the Black Order. Slowly, he reached out, smoothing his fingers on the shards' edge. It had been months until he felt he could return to the Order after Alma's death. He couldn't even explain WHY, but he knew that he had to return. Alma had meant so much to him that he lived most of his life fighting for that one reunion. Even now, he still loved Alma dearly. His 'prodigal return' had been today, if it could be called that. But, out of all the eyes that wearily mourned for Kanda, and even more that steeled their eyes towards him, only one really seemed to reach him.

'Why, out of all the eyes that try to feel pain for me, do your eyes actually hurt me?'

Kanda watched the blood forming droplets on his finger.

Drip

Drip

'Even if I did love the Moyashi, what would it really matter? All we ever do is fight. He is probably as blind to me as I was blind to him.'

Even as much as Kanda wanted to deny his feelings and re-abandon the place that had been his prison for six years of his life, he knew he would never be able to until he knew the answer.

'Damn it all, Moyashi, why can't you just leave me alone like everyone else?'

Determinately, Kanda left his room to go to the Moyashi's. No, he wouldn't admit his feelings; but, he would try to find out how Allen felt before he permanently left the Order. He turned the corner near the cafeteria, and found himself so close to Allen's door he could see the grain in the woodwork. Deciding against standing there looking like a moron or looking too much like a gullible fool by simply knocking, Kanda opened the unlocked door:

"Oy, Moyashi, you left your door open."

The typical "That's Allen, BaKanda!" couldn't be heard. The room was empty except for a few rays of dying light. Everything was messily strewn about in a whirlwind of piles. Kanda guessed that he had been out on a mission to have it get so messy.

'Che, the idiot didn't even bother to put some of his clothes away.' He thought as he absentmindedly started putting the disorganized clothes into the hamper in his closet. 'He probably won't be back until dinnertime is over, seeing as how he likes to eat until head chief Jerry kicks him out or Komui needs him for a mission.'

As he was slowly tidying, Kanda thought he heard something.

' ...Clop

clip

clop

clip….'

Footsteps. Kanda tensed – it probably wasn't Allen, but he could never be sure. 'Why did I have to be such an idiot and go waltzing into his room, much less stay in it?' He cursed softly.

'Creenk…'

The sound of the rusty door hinges resounded. Kanda immediately did the first thing he could think of in such a situation…

"Well, Timcanpy, we might as well clean up this mess while we can. How nice, it looks like one of Komui's cleaning robots was in here~" Allen cheerfully, if absently, quipped. Grabbing a mound of clothes, he went over to the closet door and shoved the clothes into the hamper, compounding it on the already huge pile. Allen silently made a note to go to the laundry room tomorrow. And maybe a secondhand store for all the clothes that adamantly wouldn't fit in the cramped closet; he added with a nod. Allen feverishly worked until ten to get everything cleaned up or set aside in his cluttered room, never leaving it once. Finally, he retired to bed with a sigh.

'Damn Moyashi and his cramped closet,' Kanda thought, 'I am going to have a hard time getting out without all of his fucking clothes following me.' Closely, he listened to the other side of the closet, making sure he could hear the Moyashi's even breathing. Slowly, slowly, he opened the door a crack when he thought it was safe.

A little lump made up the tussled mess of the Moyashi's hair, with a soft cottonball of sheets forming his curled form, his hair flowing with each little huff of breath. Longingly, Kanda tore his eyes from the occluded figure. Pulling off a few straggling clothes from his figure, Kanda tore off into the night.

After he returned into his room, Kanda curled up on his bed, looking heedingly to the broken stained glass that constituted his room. In the darkness of the night they looked like the melancholy beads of angels. Nothing could be done about the situation. He panicked and ran onto Allen's closet, and despite all that time, he couldn't simply come out and tell Allen the truth. What wasn't so scary wasn't what was in hiding; but, what wanted to come out of hiding. Out of all the blood he would easily shed for his ideals, would he ever truly remain content and whole? He stared, imploringly, to the remnants of his blood on the stained glass.

"Not even Alma ended up completing the mosaic of my life…"

'Creenk'

The door to Kanda's room opened, and in the darkness, he could see the outline of the Moyashi at the doorway.

"M-M-Moyashi?" Kanda nearly lost his composure. Allen languishly walked towards Kanda, and curled up on his bed, face bent away from him.

"Kanda, why did you leave us? Why did you leave me?"

Kanda was stunned. He could think of nothing to say. After all the time he spent footsy-ing around with wanting to tell Allen SOMETHING, even when they fought in that cafeteria all those years ago – Allen was the first one to say something.

"Your eyes on that day…I knew the most I could do was gaze at your departing back…" Allen said, softly. "Won't you say you loved me beyond all those fights we had….that you saw 'me'? That you won't forget me?" Slowly, sluggishly, a single clear line trailed down Kanda's cheek. "Won't you come back again…?"

In that one second, Kanda threw away all his hesitation, embracing Allen's back. Even from such a small figure, Allen was so warm; Kanda let the warmth seep into his cold self, refusing to let go. Allen moaned tiredly, coming to alertness.

"I never left you, Allen, even back then."

Allen, with eyes groggy from sleep, shut them again, letting only a slight river of cheerful tears leave them with a hiccup-y smile.

"BaKanda, what are you doing with my kitty ears on your head?"

Kanda, with a trademark scowl softened by his tears, laughed beyond them.

It was going to be a happy return, after all.


End file.
